Things I Need to Get Straight

Nobody has ever chanted, "Joe must go." Anyone who thought it did so quietly for fear of the wrath of the other 100,000 people who would have disagreed.

Eagles fans booed Santa Claus over 30 years ago.

Black people do commit crimes, but not middle-class black people. White people commit just as many crimes, but not middle-class white people.

Any stupid religion out there is no more stupid than your own.

When you get sick, you feel nauseated. When you make other people sick, you feel nauseous. And yes, when you say, "I'm nauseous," you make me feel sick.

Gary Bettman is undoubtedly partially responsible for the character of Dr. Evil.

The Pixies were a great band, but they weren't that good. Led Zeppelin was a really good band, but they weren't that great.

Steroids aside, Rafael Palmeiro is a Hall of Famer.

Beck Hansen is the coolest man in America. He should be the president. I feel guilty that I don't own his independent releases.

There are plenty of things more addictive and more health-threatening than marijuana that are legal, including (but not limited to): Coca-Cola, video games, and sex.

The "interesting second record" is often simultaneously less successful and more influential. It is the breakout debuts that earn visibility. It is the interesting second records that earn immortality.