Rip Van Winkle, Eagles Fan

Rip awakes from year-long sleep, yawns, and stretches out arms.

So, did we win a Super Bowl yet?

No?

Okay, so we got close then. Well, that's a start! Maybe now we can get over that hump like that NFC Championship Game. I bet T.O. really helped us in the playoffs last year!

He didn't play? What?

Wow, I thought we'd need a great wide receiver to get to the Super Bowl for sure. They must have gotten killed in the Super Bowl.

No? Well, what did they do without T.O.?

Wait, he didn't play in the playoffs, but he did play in the Super Bowl? I bet the other team's defense really keyed on him then.

No? He had over 100 yards receiving? How could you lose like that? It mustn't have been as close as it seemed, with T.O. racking up garbage receiving yards like that.

So it was close the whole game? How could T.O.'s yardage be such a non-factor?

So it was Westbrook they keyed on. Well, maybe with that one year of mutual experience together, McNabb and T.O. will break some records this year.

T.O.'s not playing the rest of the year? Did he get hurt again?

But he was so happy to be in Philadelphia! The Eagles must be pretty confident in their season so far to get rid of a guy like that!

They're in last place? WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ANDY? Todd Pinkston can't carry the receiving corps on his own!

Wait, TODD PINKSTON'S OUT FOR THE YEAR TOO?!! OH MY GOD, WHAT'S GOING ON?!

REGGIE BROWN? WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!

MCNABB'S HURT TOO?! OH SWEET JESUS! I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP!

Rip takes a high dosage of Nyquil and passes out.