The Pantheon
America is obsessed with celebrity. Actually, the whole world is obsessed with celebrity. Most celebrities are pompous, arrogant, self-centered, vain, conceited, snobbish, stuck-up, or pretentious. So why do we love them so much?
Real people have flaws. Famous people are put up on a pedestal because we don't know them in real life. That's why, when someone meets a famous person, more often than not the reaction will be, "S/he was a bitch/jerk" rather than "S/he was cool." We expect them to be perfect, and when we find out they're not, we're inevitably disappointed.
I made a list of celebrities and public figures who I think seem like the type who would actually be cool in person, and who I would love to be like. This isn't based on any personal experience other than my perception of their character in the public spotlight.
Pat Croce -- Pat Croce is a breath of fresh air. He's infinitely optimistic, charismatic, and an all-around great guy. When he want to do something, he goes out and does it. It's sort of a shame he's so ambitious, because once he got the Sixers to the NBA Finals as the team president, he decided he was poised for bigger things. Unfortunately for Croce, Ed Snider was unwilling to give up his powers as Comcast-Spectacor's chairman, and Croce decided to move on. The Sixers have since fallen to mediocrity and Croce is now off doing lots of crazy stuff, like commentating for NBC in the summer Olympics and opening a pirate museum in Key West. His optimism is contagious. He's Pat Croce and he feels great, because he is great.
Shaquille O'Neal -- How can you not love Shaq? He strikes me as the kind of guy who could be a bit sneaky in the background, but I love his character in the foreground so much I'm willing to look past that. The guy is a machine. He's the best NBA center since Wilt Chamberlain. How he can move so quickly despite having a behemoth physique stuns me. And you know what the coolest thing about Shaq is? He's a fucking police officer in Miami during the off-season. Would you not lose your stool if Shaq was chasing you? Dear God, I might have nightmares tonight just because I imagined that. And you know what's the ultimate measure of how cool someone is? How many nicknames he has. Shaq has a lot. It doesn't matter that he gives them to himself; he still has a lot. Here's a short list:
Dane Cook -- Whether you think he's hilarious or overrated, you must admit, he can take the most inane situation in everyday life and make it humorous. He seems like the kind of guy who you could actually hold a conversation with and never stop laughing. I would definitely hit up the BK Lounge or The Wall with him.
Conan O'Brien -- Conan and I have a lot in common. We're both Irish, awkward, and self-deprecating. Except Conan's funny. I tend to think if I were a late night host, I'd be a lot like Conan, except without the great hair. He just seems like such a nice guy, too. Not like that asshole Jay Leno.
David Letterman -- Some of what I said for Conan goes for Dave. Great sense of humor and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. He's also a great interviewer. You could have zero interest in his guest and end up watching anyway, laughing through the whole thing. He would make for great conversation.
Bill Lyon -- This is the only guy on this list that I've actually met. He's my favorite sports writer ever, and he had a great philosophy. He's not a sports writer; he's a people writer. He said that people reveal their true selves in moments of pressure, and sports is nothing but a series of pressure situations. His pieces on Lance Armstrong, the Phillies, and the Eagles are what made me love him as a writer, but meeting him in person and hearing him speak made me like him as a person.
Jack Black -- Jables would definitely be my broseph in real life. If I had a movie made about me, I'd want him to play me. We have similar physiques and features, and he's one of the most entertaining actor in the world, up there with Johnny Depp and Bill Murray in my book. He's also loves to rock and has great taste in music. Speaking of music...
Beck Hansen -- Or just Beck, if you like. I don't generally comment on people's style, because I know jack shit about style. But I do know that Beck has awesome style. I know that he can dance like a mofo. He can also rap better than any other whiteboy out there.
Those are all my Living Legends. If I named any dead guys, I'd say John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix. Hendrix was simply the coolest man of the 20th century. You might say Miles Davis, but he was an asshole. John Lennon was an asshole too, but in a good way, I think.
Real people have flaws. Famous people are put up on a pedestal because we don't know them in real life. That's why, when someone meets a famous person, more often than not the reaction will be, "S/he was a bitch/jerk" rather than "S/he was cool." We expect them to be perfect, and when we find out they're not, we're inevitably disappointed.
I made a list of celebrities and public figures who I think seem like the type who would actually be cool in person, and who I would love to be like. This isn't based on any personal experience other than my perception of their character in the public spotlight.
Pat Croce -- Pat Croce is a breath of fresh air. He's infinitely optimistic, charismatic, and an all-around great guy. When he want to do something, he goes out and does it. It's sort of a shame he's so ambitious, because once he got the Sixers to the NBA Finals as the team president, he decided he was poised for bigger things. Unfortunately for Croce, Ed Snider was unwilling to give up his powers as Comcast-Spectacor's chairman, and Croce decided to move on. The Sixers have since fallen to mediocrity and Croce is now off doing lots of crazy stuff, like commentating for NBC in the summer Olympics and opening a pirate museum in Key West. His optimism is contagious. He's Pat Croce and he feels great, because he is great.
Shaquille O'Neal -- How can you not love Shaq? He strikes me as the kind of guy who could be a bit sneaky in the background, but I love his character in the foreground so much I'm willing to look past that. The guy is a machine. He's the best NBA center since Wilt Chamberlain. How he can move so quickly despite having a behemoth physique stuns me. And you know what the coolest thing about Shaq is? He's a fucking police officer in Miami during the off-season. Would you not lose your stool if Shaq was chasing you? Dear God, I might have nightmares tonight just because I imagined that. And you know what's the ultimate measure of how cool someone is? How many nicknames he has. Shaq has a lot. It doesn't matter that he gives them to himself; he still has a lot. Here's a short list:
- Shaq
- Shaq Fu
- The Big Aristotle
- The Big Maravich
- The Big Felon
- The Big Cordially
- The Big Diesel
- The Big IPO
- Shaq-Zilla
- Shaq Daddy
- The MDE
- Superman
- Will Chamberlinni
- The Big Deporter
Dane Cook -- Whether you think he's hilarious or overrated, you must admit, he can take the most inane situation in everyday life and make it humorous. He seems like the kind of guy who you could actually hold a conversation with and never stop laughing. I would definitely hit up the BK Lounge or The Wall with him.
Conan O'Brien -- Conan and I have a lot in common. We're both Irish, awkward, and self-deprecating. Except Conan's funny. I tend to think if I were a late night host, I'd be a lot like Conan, except without the great hair. He just seems like such a nice guy, too. Not like that asshole Jay Leno.
David Letterman -- Some of what I said for Conan goes for Dave. Great sense of humor and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. He's also a great interviewer. You could have zero interest in his guest and end up watching anyway, laughing through the whole thing. He would make for great conversation.
Bill Lyon -- This is the only guy on this list that I've actually met. He's my favorite sports writer ever, and he had a great philosophy. He's not a sports writer; he's a people writer. He said that people reveal their true selves in moments of pressure, and sports is nothing but a series of pressure situations. His pieces on Lance Armstrong, the Phillies, and the Eagles are what made me love him as a writer, but meeting him in person and hearing him speak made me like him as a person.
Jack Black -- Jables would definitely be my broseph in real life. If I had a movie made about me, I'd want him to play me. We have similar physiques and features, and he's one of the most entertaining actor in the world, up there with Johnny Depp and Bill Murray in my book. He's also loves to rock and has great taste in music. Speaking of music...
Beck Hansen -- Or just Beck, if you like. I don't generally comment on people's style, because I know jack shit about style. But I do know that Beck has awesome style. I know that he can dance like a mofo. He can also rap better than any other whiteboy out there.
Those are all my Living Legends. If I named any dead guys, I'd say John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix. Hendrix was simply the coolest man of the 20th century. You might say Miles Davis, but he was an asshole. John Lennon was an asshole too, but in a good way, I think.
posted by Kevin A. Doran at 7:20 PM
4 Comments:
i think i'm going to have to disagree with you on the david letterman "cool" factor. i think he might be a little full of himself and perhaps cold. does he even know his childs name?
I just watched the re-run of Dane Cook on SNL. His opening was probably the longest I've ever seen only because he's Dane Cook, and when's the last time that shit-show had a comedian on it as the host? Anywho, I was kind of annoyed because he reiterated two of his standups from Retailiation. He did have some stuff I'd never heard before, but just the fact that he re-did some his matieral was pretty lame. But besides my rant, I agree with you.
- Megan
I just watched the re-run of Dane Cook on SNL. His opening was probably the longest I've ever seen only because he's Dane Cook, and when's the last time that shit-show had a comedian on it as the host? Anywho, I was kind of annoyed because he reiterated two of his standups from Retailiation. He did have some stuff I'd never heard before, but just the fact that he re-did some his matieral was pretty lame. But besides my rant, I agree with you.
- Megan
Yeah, I was a tad disappointed that a lot of stuff was from Retaliation, but I don't really blame him since SNL is a lot more mainstream than anything he's ever done before, so he was using his best stuff basically. Plus, it's still just as funny as the first time I heard it.
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