Random Thoughts While Standing in the Wonder of Astral Weeks for the 1349th Time

Channels that need to exist, or if they do exist, Comcast needs to pick them up, or if Comcast already features them, my dad needs to begin subscribing to them:

• A 24-hour Poker channel.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "Who would want to watch all that poker?" The answer is "Me." If there is poker on TV, I will watch it. And I know I'm not the only one, because I am friends with a lot of compulsive gamblers.

In a media studies class I took this past semester, we learned about "high density" vs. "low density" advertising. High density advertising appeals to a very limited amount of people, while low density appeals to many many people. For example, The Golf Channel has a lot of high density ads, because very few people watch the Golf Channel. However, the people who DO watch the Golf Channel spend lots of money on the products advertised on the channel. An example of low density, on the other hand, for example, would be a Pepsi commercial or something. However, you can see higher density commercials from big companies going on now, too. Like, those fucking stupid McDonald's commercials with the terrible rapping about eating McDonald's, the whole "I'm Lovin' It" thing, or with that "Brown and Bubbly" song in the Diet Pepsi commercial. Those are all appealing to young people, people who like hip-hop, and mostly black people.

Anywho, a poker network would be very high density. And people with gambling problems spend lots of money. What's the issue here?

• An indie-rock music channel.

Same idea here, except that this channel would probably be a failure since indie rock fans only spend lots of money on old Lou Reed records and stuff like that. But the idea is that you play music videos all the time. It's so crazy, it just might work.

• A TV Land-type channel that only shows old Nickelodeon shows (or other shows from that era that appealed to kids).

Featured: Ren and Stimpy, Pete and Pete, Salute Your Shorts, Alex Mack, You Can't Do That On Television, and Saved By the Bell. I'm sure this will happen soon if it hasn't already. As it is, we have SBTB on Adult Swim now, and there's that Nick GAS channel that shows kids' game shows (and is fantastic, by the way).

• A "so bad it's good" movie channel.

This would feature AWFUL movies. Generally, it's the same idea as Mystery Science Theater 3000, except without the commentary. It's MST3K: The Home Game. You have a few cocktails or bong hits, sit down with your friends, and voila--instant entertainment. They could have Jean-Claude Van Damme marathons every so often, and so on. This is a brilliant idea. I'm so proud of myself for inventing this channel.


Okay, basically I'm wondering why I'm not a network executive already right now. So I'm going to consider this for the next two hours while I waste my afternoon playing video games. Until next time, my t-t-tongue gets tiiiiiieeed...every--every--every time I tryyyyy to speak.