It's Hard Out Here for an Atheist
A couple years ago, I decided that it was impossible for me to have faith. I'm a believer, but I'm a skeptic.
I call myself a "believer" because I'm an optimist. I want to believe good things are true, but I can't believe them until I have evidence. I blame the Phillies and the U.S. government.
Anyway, that's not to say I don't think there's proof for the existence of a higher power. There's plenty. However, there's just as much proof that there isn't a high power, or at least enough to keep myself and countless others from being sure there is one. And for me, even the slightest contradiction of God's existence makes me skeptical.
That's the difference between faith and belief. I believe that there is a possibility of a God existing, but I don't have faith in that possibility.
That's why I'm neither Christian (or Jewish, Muslim, etc.) nor Atheist. Atheists, in my opinion, are no different from any other religious people. That's why I'm agnostic.
It's hard to think about how this affects my life. I'm Irish, raised Catholic, and everyone on both sides of my family is the same. On a superficial level, my agnosticism could make some waves in the Doran and Walsh circles. Will I marry in a church? Will my kids be baptized? How "wrong" is it that I still accept communion at mass?
Honestly, I'm afraid to even discuss it. When I was having a hard time with everything in my life a couple months ago, my mother consistently suggested going to God with my problems. That's where Agnosticism hits me on a deeper level. In my life, I've always had prayer and spirituality to comfort myself or distract me from my problems. Now I can't bring myself to do it. To me, talking to God would be akin to creating an imaginary friend.
In that sense, I envy religious people for their abilities to have unconditional faith. They have a therapist whom I don't and will never be able to have. It's a lifestyle that is part of my identity just as much as my hair color or shoe size. Maybe something could have changed my mind along the way, but I know my friends reading this will remember how stubborn Dorans are. I'm the prodigal son who's never coming back.
I call myself a "believer" because I'm an optimist. I want to believe good things are true, but I can't believe them until I have evidence. I blame the Phillies and the U.S. government.
Anyway, that's not to say I don't think there's proof for the existence of a higher power. There's plenty. However, there's just as much proof that there isn't a high power, or at least enough to keep myself and countless others from being sure there is one. And for me, even the slightest contradiction of God's existence makes me skeptical.
That's the difference between faith and belief. I believe that there is a possibility of a God existing, but I don't have faith in that possibility.
That's why I'm neither Christian (or Jewish, Muslim, etc.) nor Atheist. Atheists, in my opinion, are no different from any other religious people. That's why I'm agnostic.
It's hard to think about how this affects my life. I'm Irish, raised Catholic, and everyone on both sides of my family is the same. On a superficial level, my agnosticism could make some waves in the Doran and Walsh circles. Will I marry in a church? Will my kids be baptized? How "wrong" is it that I still accept communion at mass?
Honestly, I'm afraid to even discuss it. When I was having a hard time with everything in my life a couple months ago, my mother consistently suggested going to God with my problems. That's where Agnosticism hits me on a deeper level. In my life, I've always had prayer and spirituality to comfort myself or distract me from my problems. Now I can't bring myself to do it. To me, talking to God would be akin to creating an imaginary friend.
In that sense, I envy religious people for their abilities to have unconditional faith. They have a therapist whom I don't and will never be able to have. It's a lifestyle that is part of my identity just as much as my hair color or shoe size. Maybe something could have changed my mind along the way, but I know my friends reading this will remember how stubborn Dorans are. I'm the prodigal son who's never coming back.
posted by Kevin A. Doran at 3:03 PM
1 Comments:
I'd say it's hard in America. From where i stand, Americans seem very religious; kinda like the 'evil' Eastern people they're so against... Interesting connection, eh?
Thanks for the 'A'; makes things a lot easier.
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