CHALLENGE!!!
I don't take compliments well. I can't accept the fact that I've done something well, because in my mind there's always something I could have done better. I'd call myself a perfectionist, but I'm far too lazy for that. I guess I'm a nice walking contradiction that way. My dad always made me feel like I could have done better at something, and he's right. I remember he promised me something (I don't even remember what it was) if I got a 99 in all my classes in 5th grade. I wasn't the strongest science student, never have been, but I got a 90 on a test and decided to re-take it, with all the people who failed, just to improve my grade. I felt like an asshole when they asked me what I got on it that I had to re-take it, then asking me "Why are you here then?" Anyway, I got a 95 the second time around and ended up with a 92 average between the two tests. No 99 in science for me.
Sometimes people compliment me on my writing, and I really don't know what to say. I'm only a college student, still learning to write well. I figure, if I'm that good a writer, shouldn't I be getting paid to do it? I don't know, maybe that's not the way the world works. I'm still naive about this stuff. Maybe it's from watching sports for so long, assuming that the person who is best for the job is going to win out every time. Sports have almost no politics, pure meritocracy. I think it's the only industry like that. I worry for my future because I've never kissed someone's ass in my life and I can't picture ever doing it.
On the other hand, I'm so excited when I get positive feedback on something I wrote. Embarrassed, even. But I feel so proud that I've gotten that feedback that I feel the need to tell other people about it, which I always feel weird about afterwards. I can admit that I'm a fairly self-centered jerk, and when I become conscious of the fact that I'm talking about myself, I feel like more of one. Really, I don't brag on purpose unless I'm talking smack in a game or something. But I feel like I do it a lot considering how rarely I get a response to something I write.
Recently I've become conscious that I may be over-sensitive to feedback, both positive and negative. I've always felt unchallenged as a writer, worrying that any editor I had was too timid to tell me when something needed improvement. What if my writing sucks and nobody's got the balls to tell me? It'll be a nice surprise when I get out of college and can't get a job.
But for the first time since I started at the Collegian, I got a letter to the editor about something I wrote. I was ecstatic to get my first hate mail. On the one hand, I feel like I have to acknowledge my detractors and improve upon their criticisms, but on the other hand--and I do feel pretentious saying this--the girl who sent that letter didn't know what the hell she was talking about. Apparently the only criticism of my writing I've gotten to date is that I shouldn't joke around about Sean Paul's obvious negative qualities as a musician, even in the middle of a mostly positive review. Reading that letter made me wish I'd just ripped Sean Paul for being a shitty rapper, but it's too late for that now.
Anyway, I always feel like I need to challenge myself when I write, and right now I'm not satisfied with the challenges that are coming up. I think I need to get better at asking questions, but I think when I prepare well enough for an interview I come up with some really good ones. I could use some faster note-taking skills, but once I get the money for a decent digital voice recorder, I guess I won't really need them. It seems silly saying I don't have enough challenges on the same day I'm going to talk to Lupe Fiasco, Atmosphere, Akron/Family, and hopefully some guys from The Bullet Parade, but it's not something I can't handle. Honestly, it's not a hard job. I love doing it, but sometimes I wish there was more I could do with it.
I've always been an ambitious person, I think. I always think I can do more than I'm doing. I often have crazy ideas that sound great at first, but then reality sets in and I realize I can't possibly accomplish them. I credit my friends for keeping me grounded. Even with all the stupid things I've done in my life, there's a laundry list of others I would have done if not for my friends.
I'm coming up with a crazy idea right now, though. Writing for a newspaper becomes routine once you get enough practice with it. I need someting epic in my life. I'm going to write a book. It might be hard to write the book I want to write, since I have few to zero credentials whatsoever, but I can try, can't I?
My book is going to be about something I'm calling "geek rock." It's not a new term, but as far as I know there isn't a book about it. I'm talking about Buddy Holly, Elvis Costello, David Byrne, Rivers Cuomo, Ben Gibbard. There are others, but those are the guys who've inspired me to write this book. And in the past few weeks, I've learned something: if you work hard enough to find and talk to a rock star, you can find and talk to a rock star. I'm going to write this book. I have no timeframe, no time to do it really, but I'm going to do it eventually.
You're never busy enough in life that you can't take on another challenge. And if you're not challenging yourself, you're not making progress. I might have quoted him on this before, but when Pat Croce left his post as the president of the Philadelphia 76ers, he was inspiring as always. He said, "If I'm not moving forward, if I'm stagnant, I'm going backward." People are never stationary. If you're not moving forward, everything is passing you by. As much as I love Ferris Bueller, he was wrong about what he said. If you stop to look around once in a while, you're missing everything.
Sometimes people compliment me on my writing, and I really don't know what to say. I'm only a college student, still learning to write well. I figure, if I'm that good a writer, shouldn't I be getting paid to do it? I don't know, maybe that's not the way the world works. I'm still naive about this stuff. Maybe it's from watching sports for so long, assuming that the person who is best for the job is going to win out every time. Sports have almost no politics, pure meritocracy. I think it's the only industry like that. I worry for my future because I've never kissed someone's ass in my life and I can't picture ever doing it.
On the other hand, I'm so excited when I get positive feedback on something I wrote. Embarrassed, even. But I feel so proud that I've gotten that feedback that I feel the need to tell other people about it, which I always feel weird about afterwards. I can admit that I'm a fairly self-centered jerk, and when I become conscious of the fact that I'm talking about myself, I feel like more of one. Really, I don't brag on purpose unless I'm talking smack in a game or something. But I feel like I do it a lot considering how rarely I get a response to something I write.
Recently I've become conscious that I may be over-sensitive to feedback, both positive and negative. I've always felt unchallenged as a writer, worrying that any editor I had was too timid to tell me when something needed improvement. What if my writing sucks and nobody's got the balls to tell me? It'll be a nice surprise when I get out of college and can't get a job.
But for the first time since I started at the Collegian, I got a letter to the editor about something I wrote. I was ecstatic to get my first hate mail. On the one hand, I feel like I have to acknowledge my detractors and improve upon their criticisms, but on the other hand--and I do feel pretentious saying this--the girl who sent that letter didn't know what the hell she was talking about. Apparently the only criticism of my writing I've gotten to date is that I shouldn't joke around about Sean Paul's obvious negative qualities as a musician, even in the middle of a mostly positive review. Reading that letter made me wish I'd just ripped Sean Paul for being a shitty rapper, but it's too late for that now.
Anyway, I always feel like I need to challenge myself when I write, and right now I'm not satisfied with the challenges that are coming up. I think I need to get better at asking questions, but I think when I prepare well enough for an interview I come up with some really good ones. I could use some faster note-taking skills, but once I get the money for a decent digital voice recorder, I guess I won't really need them. It seems silly saying I don't have enough challenges on the same day I'm going to talk to Lupe Fiasco, Atmosphere, Akron/Family, and hopefully some guys from The Bullet Parade, but it's not something I can't handle. Honestly, it's not a hard job. I love doing it, but sometimes I wish there was more I could do with it.
I've always been an ambitious person, I think. I always think I can do more than I'm doing. I often have crazy ideas that sound great at first, but then reality sets in and I realize I can't possibly accomplish them. I credit my friends for keeping me grounded. Even with all the stupid things I've done in my life, there's a laundry list of others I would have done if not for my friends.
I'm coming up with a crazy idea right now, though. Writing for a newspaper becomes routine once you get enough practice with it. I need someting epic in my life. I'm going to write a book. It might be hard to write the book I want to write, since I have few to zero credentials whatsoever, but I can try, can't I?
My book is going to be about something I'm calling "geek rock." It's not a new term, but as far as I know there isn't a book about it. I'm talking about Buddy Holly, Elvis Costello, David Byrne, Rivers Cuomo, Ben Gibbard. There are others, but those are the guys who've inspired me to write this book. And in the past few weeks, I've learned something: if you work hard enough to find and talk to a rock star, you can find and talk to a rock star. I'm going to write this book. I have no timeframe, no time to do it really, but I'm going to do it eventually.
You're never busy enough in life that you can't take on another challenge. And if you're not challenging yourself, you're not making progress. I might have quoted him on this before, but when Pat Croce left his post as the president of the Philadelphia 76ers, he was inspiring as always. He said, "If I'm not moving forward, if I'm stagnant, I'm going backward." People are never stationary. If you're not moving forward, everything is passing you by. As much as I love Ferris Bueller, he was wrong about what he said. If you stop to look around once in a while, you're missing everything.
posted by Kevin A. Doran at 10:23 AM
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