Bitches Ain't Shit
A friend quipped to me a long time ago that women were either directly or indirectly responsible for almost every piece of bad music ever made. I told him that they're equally responsible for every piece of good music as well.
And on top of that, they're probably just as responsible for everything else, too, from the beginning of time. Eve in the Garden of Eden. Helen of Troy. Cleopatra. Nearly every significant event in the history of the world was directly or indirectly influenced by a woman.
No, I can't explain it. Love makes people do some crazy shit, for better or for worse. You can never really blame anyone for it, either. There were plenty of reasons to assassinate Ronald Reagan in the '80s, but John Hinckley, the guy who got closest to doing it, was inspired by Jodi Foster. Jodi Foster ain't my thing, but if Hinckley had it in his head that she'd fall in love with him for killing the president, I can't really hold it against him.
The most embarrassing thing about that, I think, is that after you snap out of it, you wonder why you ever thought of that in the first place. Everybody comes to the realization that they've done some stupid shit. Case in point: a few summers back, my parents were pissed at me for one reason or another, so they wouldn't let me drive their cars anymore. I spent that summer riding my bike 20 miles round-trip to see my girlfriend every day. One night, I accidentally fell asleep at her house and had to ride the bike back home at 3 a.m. And now, I probably wouldn't walk across the street to hang out with her in most cases (no offense). I don't think I'm the only one. John Lennon took primal scream therapy and experimented with avant garde music for Yoko. Sid Vicious killed himself for Nancy. I've got no love for Kobe, but his wife's massive diamond ring was a very public apology.
Even in times of betrayal and desolation, they've got a hold on us. John Cusack's Rob Gordon says it best in High Fidelity when he finds his girlfriend cheating on him with a co-worker: "Charlie, you fucking bitch! Let's work it out!" And when something or someone's got a kung fu grip on a person, it tends to turn out as inspiration. Part of me believes that the guy who wrote about Adam and Eve was just bitter about getting dumped.
What the hell is it about them? Aside from the necessity of procreation, why are we so captured by women? I've known some of my best friends for more than half my life, but they've got no chance of keeping me around if a girl I like makes plans with me. Girls have a definite advantage over my friends. While I can still shoot the shit with a girl, I can't (or won't) make out with my friends. But then, what is it about making out that enraptures us so?
I guess it's one of those laws of nature, but being with a girl who knows what she's doing is just plain irresistible. I hate throwing around the L word, but as Betty Everett sang so eloquently in "The Shoop Shoop Song," if you want to know if he (or she) loves you so, it's in his (or her) kiss. A great kiss from a cute girl leaves me helpless, completely incapable of walking away.
There's just something women have in common with the rest of the world's inspiration. They invite passion, sometimes the most savage and primitive of feelings, or perhaps, on the other end of the spectrum, immense restraint and taste. A man would go to the ends of the earth for a woman he loves, and he'd just the same show his love through uncontrollable desire. Much like any other humanistic inspiration, the right woman can force a man to exceed his own potential. Like Lennon and McCartney, a man and a woman in love are greater than the sum of their parts. I guess those dudes were right. All you need is love, indeed.
And on top of that, they're probably just as responsible for everything else, too, from the beginning of time. Eve in the Garden of Eden. Helen of Troy. Cleopatra. Nearly every significant event in the history of the world was directly or indirectly influenced by a woman.
No, I can't explain it. Love makes people do some crazy shit, for better or for worse. You can never really blame anyone for it, either. There were plenty of reasons to assassinate Ronald Reagan in the '80s, but John Hinckley, the guy who got closest to doing it, was inspired by Jodi Foster. Jodi Foster ain't my thing, but if Hinckley had it in his head that she'd fall in love with him for killing the president, I can't really hold it against him.
The most embarrassing thing about that, I think, is that after you snap out of it, you wonder why you ever thought of that in the first place. Everybody comes to the realization that they've done some stupid shit. Case in point: a few summers back, my parents were pissed at me for one reason or another, so they wouldn't let me drive their cars anymore. I spent that summer riding my bike 20 miles round-trip to see my girlfriend every day. One night, I accidentally fell asleep at her house and had to ride the bike back home at 3 a.m. And now, I probably wouldn't walk across the street to hang out with her in most cases (no offense). I don't think I'm the only one. John Lennon took primal scream therapy and experimented with avant garde music for Yoko. Sid Vicious killed himself for Nancy. I've got no love for Kobe, but his wife's massive diamond ring was a very public apology.
Even in times of betrayal and desolation, they've got a hold on us. John Cusack's Rob Gordon says it best in High Fidelity when he finds his girlfriend cheating on him with a co-worker: "Charlie, you fucking bitch! Let's work it out!" And when something or someone's got a kung fu grip on a person, it tends to turn out as inspiration. Part of me believes that the guy who wrote about Adam and Eve was just bitter about getting dumped.
What the hell is it about them? Aside from the necessity of procreation, why are we so captured by women? I've known some of my best friends for more than half my life, but they've got no chance of keeping me around if a girl I like makes plans with me. Girls have a definite advantage over my friends. While I can still shoot the shit with a girl, I can't (or won't) make out with my friends. But then, what is it about making out that enraptures us so?
I guess it's one of those laws of nature, but being with a girl who knows what she's doing is just plain irresistible. I hate throwing around the L word, but as Betty Everett sang so eloquently in "The Shoop Shoop Song," if you want to know if he (or she) loves you so, it's in his (or her) kiss. A great kiss from a cute girl leaves me helpless, completely incapable of walking away.
There's just something women have in common with the rest of the world's inspiration. They invite passion, sometimes the most savage and primitive of feelings, or perhaps, on the other end of the spectrum, immense restraint and taste. A man would go to the ends of the earth for a woman he loves, and he'd just the same show his love through uncontrollable desire. Much like any other humanistic inspiration, the right woman can force a man to exceed his own potential. Like Lennon and McCartney, a man and a woman in love are greater than the sum of their parts. I guess those dudes were right. All you need is love, indeed.
posted by Kevin A. Doran at 11:10 PM
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