Football Season Is Over
I recently read Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas. I always thought Klosterman was sort of funny and cool in a nerdy kind of way, but I never realized how good a reporter he actually is. One of the features he shares in IV is an interview he had with the Val Kilmer, whom Klosterman calls "advanced"--which essentially details a person who constantly reinvents him or herself, but not in such an obvious way that they're just doing the complete opposite of what's expected. It's a complicated and ridiculous concept, and frankly I'm not sure why Klosterman bothered to write about it. But by his definition, Val Kilmer is in fact "advanced."
Even more ridiculous than the concept of advancement is Val Kilmer, the man himself. He is by far the most ridiculous person I've ever read about. And though he is a Christian Scientist, which is some step between Christianity and Scientology, that's not even close to touching how ridiculous a person Kilmer is.
Val Kilmer, a man whose biggest contribution to film was portraying Ice in Top Gun, claims that, as an actor who thoroughly researches the roles he assumes, he has a better understanding of what it's like to be a pilot, or a cowboy, or John Holmes, or Batman, than the people who lived through those experiences. That is to say, Val Kilmer believes he knows what it's like to be a pilot more than an actual pilot.
...
Val Kilmer.
Anyway, I think of Val Kilmer now because as an Eagles fan, I think I almost know what it's like to be the spouse of an abusive alcoholic. You're madly in love with them, you only want the best for them, and you can't bear to be without them. But at the same time, no matter how hard they try, they just can't shake the sauce. That's what being an Eagles fan is like. I love the Eagles, my mood seems to swing with the success or failure of the team, and at this point in my life I'd consider the day of a Super Bowl victory the happiest day of my life--sort of like the consummation of a marriage between a wife-beating drunk and an unconditionally supporting spouse. And in the same vein, when my wife-beating drunk of a favorite football team fucks it up year after year, I refuse to turn on them. I am simply disappointed. Sometimes, I'm broken-hearted, but broken hearts can heal.
But having said that, I'm not terribly broken up by the Eagles' loss to the Saints. If my relationship with the Eagles is akin to an abusive relationship, this season was not necessarily a heart-breaker. Last year was utterly depressing--every week, I knew the season was over, like a wife knows deep down that her husband will never kick his terminal habit. This season, I felt the same way when Donovan McNabb tore his ACL. The season is over. The Eagles will never ever win a championship. I considered divorce. But suddenly, there was a new spark. Jeff Garcia came in and didn't suck. It was a miracle. My husband was on the wagon again. Things were going great. We had a few romantic evenings and we never made a scene in public. Everyone was commenting on how happy we looked together, for the first time in what seemed like ages.
But alas, old habits die hard. The Eagles' long-time weakness, failing to stop the run, was ultimately their downfall. My husband went back to the bottle. But unlike previous years, I'm not down like I usually am. After all, just months ago, I thought our marriage was left for dead. I soon found new life, and those good memories have dulled the pain of losing yet again. I can make up all the ifs, ands, and buts I want, but I know that even had the Eagles beaten the Saints, they would have likely ran into walls with the Bears or the AFC representative in the Super Bowl. Such is the NFL. 32 will compete (or 31, if you're a Lions fan), only one will win. The Eagles just weren't that one this year.
I remain optimistic, like only a foolish battered spouse would. I live for the good times. Someday those good times will stick around for a whole off-season. I have reason to believe next year could be that year. Normally the Eagles are criticized for never making the big off-season move they need to put them over the top. Those critics have short memories, as they tried that just a couple years ago with Terrell Owens and Jevon Kearse. We know how that turned out.
Those critics also fail to realize that the Eagles' widely reported ample cap space isn't really as stingy a strategy as it seems. Every mid-season comes a deadline for teams to extend contracts and maintain the first year of that extension as part of the current year's salary cap. Recently the Eagles have done this with Trent Cole, Mike Patterson, and in past years with Lito Sheppard and Sheldon Brown and so on and so on. The Eagles lock up their young talent. They notably declined to do this with Michael Lewis, which apparently turned out to be a great decision. Generally, rookies drafted in the middle rounds of a draft get three- or four-year contracts, which means the Eagles have three or four years to evaluate their talent and decide whether they're worth keeping around. Michael Lewis didn't pass that test; Trent Cole and Mike Patterson did.
By maintaining that ample cap space into the beginning of the season, the Eagles allow themselves to lock up their young talent so they can remain contenders for seasons down the line. They don't like to take the Daniel Snyder route and constantly put all their eggs in one basket by making ill-advised free agent signings like Adam Archuleta, Brandon Lloyd, and Antwaan Randle-El. And it usually pays off; I can only think of two cases where it didn't (Todd Pinkston got an unearned extension; Derrick Burgess didn't).
My optimism extends from this philosophy. The reason? The Eagles don't have any young players that they need to keep re-sign this year. Therefore, that ample cap space can be used to make a splash in the free agency pool and bring in a stud to put them over the top. I don't have a list of the upcoming free agents in front of me, but if the Eagles can take a look at a solid strong safety or outside linebacker or fullback, they might be the front-runners in the NFC.
Of course, I could just be setting myself up for another beating. There's always next year.
Even more ridiculous than the concept of advancement is Val Kilmer, the man himself. He is by far the most ridiculous person I've ever read about. And though he is a Christian Scientist, which is some step between Christianity and Scientology, that's not even close to touching how ridiculous a person Kilmer is.
Val Kilmer, a man whose biggest contribution to film was portraying Ice in Top Gun, claims that, as an actor who thoroughly researches the roles he assumes, he has a better understanding of what it's like to be a pilot, or a cowboy, or John Holmes, or Batman, than the people who lived through those experiences. That is to say, Val Kilmer believes he knows what it's like to be a pilot more than an actual pilot.
...
Val Kilmer.
Anyway, I think of Val Kilmer now because as an Eagles fan, I think I almost know what it's like to be the spouse of an abusive alcoholic. You're madly in love with them, you only want the best for them, and you can't bear to be without them. But at the same time, no matter how hard they try, they just can't shake the sauce. That's what being an Eagles fan is like. I love the Eagles, my mood seems to swing with the success or failure of the team, and at this point in my life I'd consider the day of a Super Bowl victory the happiest day of my life--sort of like the consummation of a marriage between a wife-beating drunk and an unconditionally supporting spouse. And in the same vein, when my wife-beating drunk of a favorite football team fucks it up year after year, I refuse to turn on them. I am simply disappointed. Sometimes, I'm broken-hearted, but broken hearts can heal.
But having said that, I'm not terribly broken up by the Eagles' loss to the Saints. If my relationship with the Eagles is akin to an abusive relationship, this season was not necessarily a heart-breaker. Last year was utterly depressing--every week, I knew the season was over, like a wife knows deep down that her husband will never kick his terminal habit. This season, I felt the same way when Donovan McNabb tore his ACL. The season is over. The Eagles will never ever win a championship. I considered divorce. But suddenly, there was a new spark. Jeff Garcia came in and didn't suck. It was a miracle. My husband was on the wagon again. Things were going great. We had a few romantic evenings and we never made a scene in public. Everyone was commenting on how happy we looked together, for the first time in what seemed like ages.
But alas, old habits die hard. The Eagles' long-time weakness, failing to stop the run, was ultimately their downfall. My husband went back to the bottle. But unlike previous years, I'm not down like I usually am. After all, just months ago, I thought our marriage was left for dead. I soon found new life, and those good memories have dulled the pain of losing yet again. I can make up all the ifs, ands, and buts I want, but I know that even had the Eagles beaten the Saints, they would have likely ran into walls with the Bears or the AFC representative in the Super Bowl. Such is the NFL. 32 will compete (or 31, if you're a Lions fan), only one will win. The Eagles just weren't that one this year.
I remain optimistic, like only a foolish battered spouse would. I live for the good times. Someday those good times will stick around for a whole off-season. I have reason to believe next year could be that year. Normally the Eagles are criticized for never making the big off-season move they need to put them over the top. Those critics have short memories, as they tried that just a couple years ago with Terrell Owens and Jevon Kearse. We know how that turned out.
Those critics also fail to realize that the Eagles' widely reported ample cap space isn't really as stingy a strategy as it seems. Every mid-season comes a deadline for teams to extend contracts and maintain the first year of that extension as part of the current year's salary cap. Recently the Eagles have done this with Trent Cole, Mike Patterson, and in past years with Lito Sheppard and Sheldon Brown and so on and so on. The Eagles lock up their young talent. They notably declined to do this with Michael Lewis, which apparently turned out to be a great decision. Generally, rookies drafted in the middle rounds of a draft get three- or four-year contracts, which means the Eagles have three or four years to evaluate their talent and decide whether they're worth keeping around. Michael Lewis didn't pass that test; Trent Cole and Mike Patterson did.
By maintaining that ample cap space into the beginning of the season, the Eagles allow themselves to lock up their young talent so they can remain contenders for seasons down the line. They don't like to take the Daniel Snyder route and constantly put all their eggs in one basket by making ill-advised free agent signings like Adam Archuleta, Brandon Lloyd, and Antwaan Randle-El. And it usually pays off; I can only think of two cases where it didn't (Todd Pinkston got an unearned extension; Derrick Burgess didn't).
My optimism extends from this philosophy. The reason? The Eagles don't have any young players that they need to keep re-sign this year. Therefore, that ample cap space can be used to make a splash in the free agency pool and bring in a stud to put them over the top. I don't have a list of the upcoming free agents in front of me, but if the Eagles can take a look at a solid strong safety or outside linebacker or fullback, they might be the front-runners in the NFC.
Of course, I could just be setting myself up for another beating. There's always next year.
posted by Kevin A. Doran at 2:35 AM
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