'93

I wanted to preface this entry by saying that as soon as I finished writing it, I became convinced of my own insanity. I then wondered if there are insane people who are perfectly aware of their insanity, or if every insane person lives in a world where everyone else is crazy and they're the only sane ones. I could be the first self-aware insane person. I'm a pioneer of the movement. It's time for the world to go mad.

For the sake of argument: Let's say that our perception of the world around us is very closely related to our memory. If I remember a moment in the past differently than it happened, it doesn't matter: My memory is the only record. Therefore, in a way, memory is reality.

With that in mind, I will now prove that every moment in time in the history of the universe is defined by its relation with the year 1993 A.D.

1993 is the year everything became real to me, the year I developed critical thinking and a greater handle on the infinity of the universe. I attribute this to being raised Roman Catholic.

Therefore, everything (based on my memory — which is, in my life, the only true record of reality) that came before 1993 is old, and everything that came after 1993 is new. 1993 is the exact midpoint of the universe. So what exactly does that mean?

Well, if we know how many years the universe existed before 1993, we can figure out how many years it has remaining. Given that the Big Bang model estimates the universe to be about 13.7 billion years old, we can assume that we only have about 13.7 billion years left.

The reason I know it's 1993 is that in 1993, the Phillies went to the World Series and I entered my formative years during the same summer. The Marlins and Rockies, though having been part of Major League Baseball for 15 years at this point, were new in '93. Because of that, they will always be new. The Minnesota Twins won the World Series in 1991. It seems like a million years ago. But the 49ers won the Super Bowl in 1995 and it feels like it happened yesterday.

For similar reasons: The Baltimore Ravens, Tennessee Titans, Carolina Hurricanes, Colorado Avalanche, Washington Nationals, Washington Wizards, Phoenix Coyotes, Los Angeles Angels, Dallas Stars and Oakland Raiders will always be THE FORMER (insert team name here): Cleveland Browns, Houston Oilers, Hartford Whalers, Quebec Nordiques, Montreal Expos, Washington Bullets, Winnipeg Jets, California Angels, Minnesota North Stars and Los Angeles Raiders.

The Detroit Tigers and Kansas City Royals are formerly AL East teams. The Milwaukee Brewers are newcomers to the National League, recently coming over from the American League. The Seattle Seahawks are new to the NFC, the Arizona (formerly Phoenix) Cardinals are new to the West, and the Indianapolis Colts are new to the AFC Central (before the very recent 8-division alignment change) after coming from the East.

This is how my memory is organized. If that's how my memory works, that's how my universe must work. Because of the permanence of 1993, this explains Pearl Jam's prolonged success and the Phillies' eternal misery. It had to be you, Mitch Williams. It had to be you.